Just get used to it!
When I walk into my quite, lonely house, as I've just dropped off my son at nursery school, I sudden feel a wave of guilt washing over me. I work full-time from home, which I have been doing for over a year now, but for the first year of my sons life he was cared for by his grandparents in my home. I have my own spacious home office, with multiple monitors set up, printer, and even a TV, but for the last three weeks, I've been unable to work there. I remain in my living room, near the kitchen, near the breakfast nook, near my sons playroom, the playroom he spent most of his time when he was cared for at home. My husband and I had to unexpectedly put our son, Euan, in nursery three weeks ago, because of an unexpected family situation. Since then, everyday I take him to his school, my heart breaks a little.
When I was three months pregnant we picked out Euan's nursery. My husband, Andy, and I visited multiple places knowing that an infant slot at a nursery is a precious commodity that requires advanced planning in our city. We had con and pro lists, we discussed each school at length with family and friends, so that we had discussed all possibilities, and we finally decided on one we both liked. We paid our deposit to hold Euan's place and that became one items checked off our pre-baby list. Several months into my pregnancy my mother-in-law said she would like to come stay with us when the baby was born, for a few months. I welcomed her visit, I love my mother-in-law, and knew I would benefit greatly from her experience and assistance with our newborn. My mother-in-law took a huge leap of faith to put her full-time career in Scotland on pause, to be with her first grandchild and son in Texas. I will always be grateful to her, she gave us the best head-start as parents and gave Euan the best head-start in life. Knowing she'd be with us a few months, we notified the nursery that Euan would not be attending at 12 weeks. In total, Euan was able to be cared for at home for 14 months! We continued to postpone his enrollment at nursery during this time. He is now enrolled at the same school we picked out almost two years ago.
I started working part-time from home when Euan was only six weeks old and full-time when he was 12 weeks. I have worked from home in the past, before Euan, but working from home and having my son in nursery while I work feels wrong, thus my feeling of guilt. Logically I assume I feel this way because he's always been at home while I worked. I am accustom to his cries, to the sounds of him while I worked, it was soothing to me. However, emotionally it just feels wrong to me now, to be at home working, without him. I know I cannot work full-time and care for my son at home as well, it's not possible. I've tried once before, for a week, due to an emergency, but the stress is too much. I know all of this, but I feel as if logic is failing me now.
Everyone says it just takes time, for mom and baby to get used to going to nursery. I know it's only been three weeks so far, I know I need more time to acclimate (logic), but what if I don't want to acclimate (emotions), how do I allow myself to just get used to it?
When I was three months pregnant we picked out Euan's nursery. My husband, Andy, and I visited multiple places knowing that an infant slot at a nursery is a precious commodity that requires advanced planning in our city. We had con and pro lists, we discussed each school at length with family and friends, so that we had discussed all possibilities, and we finally decided on one we both liked. We paid our deposit to hold Euan's place and that became one items checked off our pre-baby list. Several months into my pregnancy my mother-in-law said she would like to come stay with us when the baby was born, for a few months. I welcomed her visit, I love my mother-in-law, and knew I would benefit greatly from her experience and assistance with our newborn. My mother-in-law took a huge leap of faith to put her full-time career in Scotland on pause, to be with her first grandchild and son in Texas. I will always be grateful to her, she gave us the best head-start as parents and gave Euan the best head-start in life. Knowing she'd be with us a few months, we notified the nursery that Euan would not be attending at 12 weeks. In total, Euan was able to be cared for at home for 14 months! We continued to postpone his enrollment at nursery during this time. He is now enrolled at the same school we picked out almost two years ago.
I started working part-time from home when Euan was only six weeks old and full-time when he was 12 weeks. I have worked from home in the past, before Euan, but working from home and having my son in nursery while I work feels wrong, thus my feeling of guilt. Logically I assume I feel this way because he's always been at home while I worked. I am accustom to his cries, to the sounds of him while I worked, it was soothing to me. However, emotionally it just feels wrong to me now, to be at home working, without him. I know I cannot work full-time and care for my son at home as well, it's not possible. I've tried once before, for a week, due to an emergency, but the stress is too much. I know all of this, but I feel as if logic is failing me now.
Everyone says it just takes time, for mom and baby to get used to going to nursery. I know it's only been three weeks so far, I know I need more time to acclimate (logic), but what if I don't want to acclimate (emotions), how do I allow myself to just get used to it?
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